Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Most Ineffective Sales Pitch of the Week

Today, more of my finite writing genius time was interrupted by a knock at the door.
A young man is standing there with a clipboard.

Him: Are you the homeowner?

Me: Yes...

Him: Ok, well I'd like to advertise in your yard.

Me: Um, for what? (This could be a multitude of services, and I'm not even saying I would have said no at this point.)

Him: (He almost made the "whatever" sign on his forehead, but instead, he points to the logo on his wrinkled, ill-fitting golf-shirt.)

Me: (I'm old and blind and holding back a killer Jingle dog. Seriously, dude, why are you making me work so hard?)

Him: It's GE Home Security systems.

Me: (Apparently, I'm supposed to either a.) be impressed that GE has gone beyond light bulbs, microwaves and television broadcasting into the home security biz or b.)swoon that my yard was chosen to hold an unsolicited sign.) Ah, no?

Him: (Smart boy. He anticipated my hesitation.) For compensation we will give you a home security system.

Me: (WTF? We had to go through all that for this?) I already over-pay for a security system. Thanks, though.

Him: (Quite skeptical-looking.) Really? (He looks around for a sign.)

Me: Yeah, and apparently I need to upgrade.

Get off of my lawn, you tool.

If I see one GE Security sign on my street tonight I'm totally selling that neighbor some magic beans.


kravitzhater said...

kravitz will have one

JODI said...

now, this made me laugh...as you usually do.

Amy said...

so this guy made it across the street to me yesterday...
"maam," he approaches me in my driveway, as I finangle both kids out of their car seats...
insert same pitch he gave you
"not a good time, not interested," I reply lugging said children to the daily ritual of retrieving the mail from our box
"really???" he replies
"REALLY, good bye," as I lug said children back up the driveway and into the house...

Now I ask you, WHO, has time for all this doorbell commerce?

Tracey said...

Oh, I know. It's so aggravating. I didn't ask you to come over--You came to my house and expected me to drop everything to sell me something I don't want or need. Spare me the indignant attitude when it's not convenient for me to explain the nuances of my refusal.