Monday, July 28, 2008

Vacation Eve

I'm sorta ready. Packed loosely--like basil leaves.

We plan on leaving at some unholy hour tomorrow, which I have written about here. Why? I'm not sure.

Meanwhile, I need to tie up some loose blog ends, so here goes:

~Matty's cast came off today.

~I have a new contest up on to win a new Land's End Backpack. Make sure you enter.

~The floor looks amazing. We were a couple of boards short because one of the boxes was defective, but it looks smokin'. And so do the muscles of Sean and the Intern after cutting and nailing for 15 hours yesterday.

~We're missing two Thirsty Thursdays which I'm none too pleased about.

~I will never eat popcorn again.

~Make sure to read Whoa Momma! while I'm gone because I'll be posting there, too.

~I really should finish packing. Or make pesto.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

You do the math

Receptionist: Are you taking your pain meds?

Me: I can't take Oxycontin during the day and still take care of 4 kids.

Receptionist: What about a half of a pill?

Me: Okay, which two shouldn't I watch?

Now I'm done.

Friday, July 25, 2008

She used to be fun

“You really should have met her before she got her Wisdom Teeth out.”

That’s what I’m afraid people are going to be whispering at my wake someday. So I’m not going to talk about it (because I can’t move my mouth) anymore. You’ll just have to read every post with the mental caveat that I am typing with one hand whilst holding my jaw with the other.

Because I really have been busy with other things. Like the dumpster.

Yep, we gots one parked in the driveway. Why? Because last weekend Sean did a Clean Sweep/Dirty Jobs thing out in the garage, and threw away a cubic ton of old crap. Like broken lawn chairs, hurricane supplies from 2004, about 45 broken hockey sticks and 11,000 golf balls. So then the city came and took it the next day and brought it back empty so I could go through all of the closets, toy boxes, junk drawers and other clutter collections I have distributed around the house and purge us of all evil. 2 dumpsters of junk may not be too green, but then Al Gore can get over here and find me a couple of working AA batteries and a freaking ballpoint pen. We needed a good cleaning. So we can buy more.

No, I am determined not to come home from our 3000 mile road trip with anything other than healed dry sockets, a knock-off Prada bag from a genuine NYC street vendor, and a renewed appreciation for flying.

And just because we don’t have enough going on, I picked up new flooring for the family room that Sean and the Intern are installing this weekend.

I’ll post pictures.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Trip Preparation 1

If you were wondering what I've been up to these last few days, I've been getting ready for our trip while holding my jaw from the unrelenting pain.

I know it’s neither fashionable nor practical to take a Road Trip in the Summer of aught eight, but since when do I follow convention?

We love our road trips. Love. Them. I will not give up this pleasure despite it costing the same as a fortnight luxury spa vacation in Cabo. I also figure that the cost to fly 6 people to multiple destinations and subsequent car rentals makes this trip a bargain by today’s ridiculous standards. The luggage up charge alone for 6, +car seats, strollers, portable crib and sand toys for two weeks would cover a tank of gas. Besides, we’ve got places to go, reunions to crash. We’ve got family to irritate, and rumors to fester. We are going.

I have decided to try and limit as much costs beforehand as possible, though. I figure my top expenditures on a road trip are: 1) gas, 2) lodging, and 3) Cracker Barrel.

Gas--can’t do much about it. I will get the oil changed today, inflate the tires to their proper PSI and hope for clear traffic because I know my husband won’t be driving 55 with four kids in the back seat. For lodging, we have made some arrangements with our 4 bajillion Marriott points to defer some of the expense, and we’ll turn up the air conditioning real high so that snuggling in July won’t be so uncomfortable.

Which simply leaves the jaw-dropping Cracker Barrel bill. In every past road trip, despite knowing full well what we are getting ourselves into, we stop at this den of evil. After waiting 6 hours for a table, we buy illogical stuff in the store, and never finish a plate of food. But somehow on a vacation, this seems like a good idea.

So to avoid this expensive pit stop, I have replicated the experience at home so we can drive past every exit. I cooked country-fried steak tonight that no one ate because they were too busy playing the I.Q. Game with the golf tees I put on the table. I bought the kids a bunch of cheap crap from the dollar store, let them break it, and then sprinkled the pieces all over the backseat. For extra good measure, I mixed some nostalgic candy pieces and a bag of ginger snaps to make it extra sticky. And because I realized I hadn’t spent anything close to our average bill, I bought a retro Coca-Cola napkin dispenser and then forgot it on a wooden rocking chair on the porch after playing checkers.

Voila. It’s like we’re already to Gatlinburg.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Friday in the Nuthouse

It's been a crazy, emotional, often painful, sometimes silly week around here, kids. I'm worn out.

My face is numb from the crazy dressings packed in my mouth so I look like I had recent Botox injections. Which is why registering emotions is difficult. You'll just have to trust me.

My friend and I took a bunch of kiddos to Hollywood Studios on Wednesday because we are insane. I don't know if I'll ever have full use of my arms again after carrying Jess or Amy in the rain for 15 hours. But we had a good time.

Anyhoo, I'm blogging my fool fingers off over on Whoa Momma! and writing the column of the week and then just figuring out everything else as I go. Maybe I'll get caught up this weekend.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG, I'm laughing so hard right now with out even moving my face.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

OOOOhhhhh, those dry sockets

Well, I figured out what a dry socket is. Where there is nothing covering the exposed bone in your jaw so that it feel like there is someone offshore drilling in your head 24/7.

I fugured it out cuz I gots 2 of them.

Seriously. Give me a freaking break. No wonder I'm so grumpy, my skeleton is showing!

So, he is putting some weird dressing there that tastes like an old postage stamp was forgotten on my tongue, and I have to get it changed out every 48 hours. Seriously.

But it least it only hurts half as much.

But bonus!!! I went to the other kind of doctor that I really don't particularly care to see too often, and he said that I didn't have to lose any weight! Ha! He said I was "unamerican" for him not to have to let me go with a stern warning to drop some l.b.'s.


(I did not tell him that I haven't eaten in 7 days because of my toothache, but please don't spoil this moment for me....)

Monday, July 14, 2008

Still cursing the dentist

I'm still miserable so let's not even go there. It's amazing how a mouthache can ruin your whole month. I totally admit to this character flaw, but I can't apologize for it because that would mean moving my jaw to form words and that isn't going to happen until Halloween.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Cookies, who doesn't want a big bouquet of some?

I interrupt my excrutiating mouth pain in attempt to rot your teeth out. In a good way. :)

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Who couldn't use this sweet treat to brighten their day just because? Well, our friends at Cookies By Design are going to send one lucky winner a delicious treat just because you rock. So, the only thing you need to be eligible for this yummy treat is to email me something like, "Hey, SubDiva! I could really use a big bunch of cookies delivered to my door." And you will be entered to win. All entries must be received by July 18, 2008, and I will draw 1 winner at random.

Because I'm a giver...with a sweet tooth.

Divamail me! (Oh yeah, and you have to be a Suburban Diva subscriber, so get over there for free newsletters, tasty treats like this and no spam.

I want my teeth back

There is about to be a new arrival today here at casa de la diva. No, not that kind, and no, I haven't yielded to the requests of the guinea pig from Amy.

No, our new bundle of joy comes in the form of the return of the Intern. (Sounds like a horror movie, doesn't it?) Technically, he is no longer an Intern since he has since graduated from college and he returns to our home as a full-time employee here in Tampa. As he looks for a place of his own, he will be crashing here for a while, so big fun for all, and a lot less trips to Publix for me.

I gotta tell you friends, not feeling real great after this mouth thing. I wasn't all that thirsty and yesterday was Thursday. I can't open my mouth more than a quarter of an inch and there are these beautiful empanadas stamped with my name that I couldn't eat. You'd think that my teeth came out of my liver because I didn't even finish one pink cocktail. I just wanted the ice to apply to the outside of my mouth. This is putting a serious damper on my street cred.

We'll be home this weekend huddling together. Weird week of events and sometimes you just need to gather the people you love around you and remind yourself that life is all too short.

Hope yours is great.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Day 2 Post-Op

I may look like a drunk chipmunk, I feel like a hungover crocodile.

This. Sucks. Beyond. Clenched. Words.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

1 day post op

I look like a drunk chipmunk.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Nothing after midnight

We're back.

*heaving, satisfied sigh*

Just took off to Orlando for the weekend to watch fireworks from a hotel balcony and hang at a pool other than our own for a couple of days. I love the 4th of July for exactly that reason. It is the quintecenticial non-obligatory holiday. You get to party with whomever you want, not have to buy a single gift, and have huge pieces of grilled meat. What's not to love?

But now we're back and it's laundry day, but that isn't even the worst of it. No, tomorrow I get my remaining 2 wisdom teeth out, so I think I may be out of commission for a couple of days, because at my age, that's what happens.

So I'm preparing for that long day of drug-induced slumber tomorrow with the sobering tasks of taking a day off.

See you Wednesday. Maybe.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

I bet it tastes like sand too

Matty and I need to step away from the Family Fun magazine...

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

July Resolutions

Ah, July.

So I’m trying to get into this summer rhythm. I haven’t quite made it there yet. Basically, my functioning clock is operating somewhere around January.

It’s been nutty in the nuthouse lately. Next to the big things I can’t blog about, (you are thinking, what could that possibly be? That girl never shuts up!) I’ve been trying to get everything organized. Both physically and mentally. The house--that never-ending pursuit of futility, but also life stuff.

I’m not complaining, really. I think organizing life stuff is good and healthy. It means that changes are happening and you are either preparing for them, dealing with them or cleaning up after them. I think I am solidly in the one and two category which is good.

I’m loving my new job. LOVING IT. But again, that is taking some getting used to. In a good way. Challenges are good, and after years of thinking one way, it’s fun to create by way of a new angle. That’s kind of what I’m about.

So maybe July isn’t a traditional “start fresh” month, but it is around here. We’re looking at July by way of a new angle, because that’s what we’re about.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

The Perfect Family Reunion Souvenir

For the last year and half, Sean's family has been planning a family reunion.

I will spare you the details, because I already owe the entire world an apology for using up the entire Internet for 9 months on the family T-shirt logistics.

Said reunion is about 1 month away, and I've been racking my brain trying to come up with a little peace offering gift for each family to celebrate such an event. (I've had to keep my plans to myself however, just in case anyone had any online banking or term paper research to do with the world's bandwidth.)

I've come up with the perfect plan.

You know how I love my HP Photobooks. For the craft-challenged like me, they are a lifesaver to preserve family memories. So what if each family were to receive a photobook? And then, because they are easily added to, we each supply one another with our own personal family page? And then we can all switch photos online and add them our libraries and print them out at home in September? How great of a second cousin thrice removed would I be??

And did I mention they're on sale?

I got an email from HP saying the Photobooks are 25-50% off right now until July 5th. That means you could get a 5x7 book for $7.49 each. With free shipping.

So like I could really make this happen for not a whole lot of green.

(And so could you!)