Friday, November 30, 2007

An early gift

Did you sign up over on yet? Because you can't win all of this until you do! Here is my newsletter from this morning:

A column just in time to start (or finish if you unlike me) your holiday shopping.

But, do not fret! Our friends at HP are giving us a gift! For the next five weeks, Suburban Diva subscribers (that is you if you are reading this) are eligible for some awesome prizes!

To win this
HP Photosmart compact photo printer
that allows you to print photos directly from your digital photo card without a computer, email me the answer to this simple question:

How many unprinted digital photos do you have on your camera right now?

The subscriber that emails me with the highest (and true, please!) number by Monday, December 3rd wins the printer or a $100 gift card from if you prefer to print your pictures online!

And don’t worry if you don’t win this week, the contest will run through the month of December!

But wait! There’s more!

You are also entitled to a special offer and free goodies from Snapfish just by being a Suburban Diva subscriber! New users to Snapfish will receive 25 free prints and 20 free holiday slimline cards when you register at New and existing users can enter the coupon code "DIVAHOLIDAY" at checkout for free shipping on slimline cards through 1/30/08. Perfect timing!

So check those camera and email me at soon! Tell your friends to sign up too! Finally, reading my insipid columns every week will pay off for you!

A gift to you.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Diva Debate Analysis

I preface this with the disclosure that I am not a Republican, but this post will not contain any bashing of the GOP. Much. Kidding. Sorta.

We entered the building under tight security. No cell phones or cameras, so you'll have to do with the written description or you can try to find my post-debate comments on YouTube, but I'm not directing you there. I was bummed about the camera--I wanted to get a shot of the protesters outside, and the amazing contrast of the CNN set inside. Because it dawned on me then, that that was the point of this. Democracy at its finest. Peaceful protest; grass roots cheers and jeers unfiltered by a television network.

So we climbed up to the balcony and sat next to a woman whose hair looked like it was styled by a cotton candy machine. She was dripping with mint julep praise of Mike Huckabee while I expressed my excitement over seeing Anderson Cooper and his new fancy shoes. Anyway, we were a little worried that we would be confined to our seats for the entire debate (3 hours) with no food, bathroom breaks, cell phones or drinks. Yeah, it was a dry debate. Ouch. To pass the time, we decided that we would do a shot in the future every time a candidate made a reference to Ronald Reagan. I think we knew that would be a lot more thirst-quenching than the one Bush mention.

I wondered at first how this YouTube questioning would work. Admittedly, the only things I've watched on YouTube were some kids making Mentos-Diet Coke rockets and some idiot who put a firecracker in his rear end. Really not what I would consider intelligent politics. But as the questions were asked in this format, I began to realize the magic of it all.

Setting aside some of the Internet theatrics, these were honest people asking honest questions. They asked the things you or I would have if we talking over dinner. These were things that were important to them, and they deserved to be addressed by the person that wants to become their president.

The candidates are politicians so the answers weren't much more than what you would expect, but for the first time in a very long time, I noticed a small shift in the political wind.

Not between red and blue states, donkeys or elephants; but a shift in our national consciousness. Real or imagined, the 20 questions asked may not have been the most important issues to everyone, but they were important someone, and seeing Joe from Philadelphia addressing John McCain or Frank from Brooklyn questioning Rudy Guiliani without a polished Made for TV Question was more powerful than I can describe.

YouTube didn't degenerate it as I had feared. I wouldn't go as far as to say it elevated political discourse, either. But in some small way, it righted it, and a small correction was made, if only for 3 hours.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Is my babysitter a tax deduction for tonight?

So, guess where I'm going tonight? Nope, not Target or Toys R Us like perhaps I should be given I have not purchased a single gift...

But no! I'm going to the CNN/YouTube Debate!

Ha! I can't believe I passed the security check, but I'm not in my seat yet so there is still time to be turned away at the door.

I know you are questioning my blue state self at a red state event, but I'm a political junkie (i.e. nerd) and I love this stuff.

So watch for me. I'll be the long-haired girl with the tape over her mouth surrounded by security.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Diva Holiday

I thought I'd give you a big hint at your present, reader.

I'm going to be hosting some MAJOR promotions in the coming weeks with lots and lots of fun giveaways. We're talking really great, real prizes, not just my stupid usual gift of gab. The only catch is, you must be a Suburban Diva subscriber.

It's free, but it's different from le blog, so get yourself over to official site to get on the list. It will be soooo worth it, I promise.

Here: at

Back at it

On our last episode of As The Diva Turns Crazy, she was doing her hair to go to the Hannah Montana concert before loading the four children up into the car for a 13 hour car ride solo up north...Let's see what happens next.

You know, I love Thanksgiving. I really do. I love spending it with family. Which is why I threw those little ones into the car last Tuesday and headed to South Carolina so they could have some cousin time. And aunt, uncle, grandparent and great-grandparent time. And these are the moments that I feel like I'm doing something right and good as a mother. I said in my column that it was a cynic's day off, and maybe I should take more of those vacation days. I am glad I did, but I have to admit that it will probably be my last solo road trip for a while. I just can't do it sanely by myself anymore. I seriously can't parent very well through the rear view mirror for 13 hour stretches.

But speaking of just plain ole nice things of the maternal variety, check out this Precious Moms website when you can. There is a lot of great ideas here, and it's nice to see a parenting site with this point of view.

And while I am enjoying this first and last day of complete domesticity, non-cynical me before embarking on the Yuletide season in earnest, I will go finish the laundry, make dinner, do homework, clean up after Jingle and enjoy every non-moving mile of it.

Stay tuned for our next episode when SubDiva uploads Hannah Montana concert pictures and we finally find out if she embarrassed her children as thoroughly as she could singing "Best of Both Worlds" out of tune with 21,000 9 year olds...

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Do you have that in a size 42 long?

So, after backing out the expenses of the ad, signs and supplies...we made a net profit of -$15.12.

I will never do that again.

I guess perhaps I am not garage sale savvy enough to hold such an event, as I could not adequately answer this question from one customer:

Weird guy: Do you have any men's clothing?

Me: No, sorry.

W>G>: Will you have some later?

Huh? Am I supposed to expect shipments in from Milan? Or should my inventory be supplemented by raiding Sean's closet? Dude, it's a garage sale. Not a radio station. I don't take requests.

And more from the Never Say Never news files, I am attending the Hannah Montana concert tomorrow night. Yep, not taking my kids, but they are escorting me as I am "working" the show. More on that later, because I honestly don't know what that will entail except taking a whole lot of pictures and then blogging my fingers off. But hey, it'll be column/blog worthy for years...

We are packing up and heading out on Tuesday for Turkey celebrations in the north. Looking forward to it....

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Some hodge podge of thoughts this late Thursday evening

~I miss my dog.

~I have turned in all of my assignments this month--rather proud of each for a change, but am looking forward to the time off from thinking about it. I need perspective. Desperately.

~The temperature plummeted 20 degrees from my walk from the office supply store to Old Navy. I bought lots of long sleeves and pants. And I liked it.

~And I liked buying those long pants in a decent size after spending 4 days a week at the gym. 5 next week if I want to eat pumpkin pie. Not a piece, but a pie.

~This garage sale thing will either be a brilliant stroke of genius, or a miserable failure. When Mrs. Kravitz come down and haggles with me for a broken waffle iron for a quarter, I might hit her with it, creating a Eggo-like imprint across her face.

~I miss my dog.

~For the last month, I have been in various states of argument with the phone/Internet/Cable provider. I hate them. They have rendered me Amish for days on end, and if I get one more operator lying to me about when it's going to be fixed, I might hit them with the broken waffle iron. I don't live in a Brighthouse, I live in Mennonite house.

~I need sleep. Good night.

~I sure do miss that dog.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Sad day

We're sad today. Just plain sad.

Cricket the Wonder Dog, 15 years old, has passed. If my heart wasn't broken enough, my kids' are shattered. We're going to miss that beast. She was the best dog ever.

Argh. I can't talk about it.

Anyway, I'm in the midst of shuffling various crapola to the garage for my garage sale on Saturday. Yes, you read that right. GARAGE SALE. I hate them. Hate having them, hate going to them. But I am to the point that even my creative genius that thrives in chaos, is struggling to find a pen in which to record such genius. So, I have devised this plan to sell and then purge whatever doesn't.

Knowing my personal disdain for this, Sean is less than impressed. In fact, he doubts that I will pull off such a thing--a first in our life--and is not willing to haggle with little old ladies over three-legged tables and missing paged books. His loss I say! If all goes well we'll make $9.76.

Just enough for that fourth leg...

Sunday, November 11, 2007


Today, I'm celebrating nothingness.

Well, actually alotofness, but this is the last day in which there is nothing I truly have to do. There are a lot of things I will do. Should do. Can do. But nothing that I have to, and that's kind of wonderful.

The big boys are out of town--my baby boy is on a special trip which makes me so proud and incredibly nervous at the same time. So it's just me and the little ones puttering, playing, lounging and hanging. Yesterday we saw a movie and went to dinner, and today we're watching football. It's pleasant.

Next week and beyond will not be such a lazy pace. There are a billion things on the calendar in addition to all of my daily unscheduled nonsense, but today I will rejoice in cleaning out the refrigerator and baking cookies.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Only one size of Pampers at the grocery store for me, thanks

Seriously. WTF?

Time to boast for a moment. A-Dog is potty trained. After flirting with the concept for months, The Diaper Fairy finally took all of the diapers away and left small gifts in their place for a week. It didn't even take that long, and NO PULL-UPS!

Mind you, I am only giving myself that small paragraph of pride because it didn't take long for me to be humbled in every other life aspect. Matty had strep throat. Jessie has some strange intestinal infection that required the absolute most disgusting collection procedures, and I am forcing Stevie to work through his impending illness since he will miss a week of school next week when he goes on his trip. But what are you going to do? Amy is out of diapers!!

After cleaning the house to expunge the germ, I'm going to the gym to expunge the birthday cake from my thighs.

Happy Thursday.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Make a wish

Today is one of those kinds of days when I am seriously regretting a recent decision not to forward a particularly insipid friendship chain letter that advised me to make a wish and forward to 800 people I must no doubt passive aggressively hate, or some doom would befall me. Instead of following those instructions in the FW: FWD: Re: fwd: fwd: (possibly spam) re: forward:, I deleted it and made a wish people would stop sending me these things.

Maybe I should have complied for a better day.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Happy Birthday Stevie!

Oh my gosh. My baby is 12. That's just crazy. Crazy scary.

Anyway, you'll just have to wait until after those birthday celebrations to get your pictures. I'm too scattered to upload the camera card because all my video creativity is being sunk into editing my HP internetfomercials and coming up with my next one. I am sitting here in my Hannah Montana wig waiting for inspiration.

No, I'm not kidding.