Thursday, June 30, 2011

Ottomans don't make good stocking stuffers

Every time I hear the phrase, “Christmas in July,” I want to punch someone in the throat. I apologize to all the furniture and mattress salesman for my violent outburst, but it must be said.

If we set aside all of the obvious and significant religious, cultural and historical differences, Christmas and the 4th of July have absolutely nothing in common so I’m not sure why retailers insist on linking the two. With the exception of the freshest corn on the cob and best-looking steaks in the case, there is no buying frenzy on the Fourth. And while “Crazy Louie” at the fireworks stand may strike a resemblance to Santa, I’m pretty sure that his big white beard is mange and that’s a prison jumpsuit. (And you don’t even want to know what’s in that sack.)

It’s not that I don’t love Christmas, I do. A reindeer tattoo on my left ankle almost proved that before I realized that “Blitzen” might be construed as overindulgence on egg nog rather than my affinity for yuletide woodland animals. Nevertheless, I do love Christmastime. I just have a finite fondness that lasts for the month of December and don’t appreciate being reminded of it during the lazy days of summer. The only trees I want to see decorated are with tire swings and fireflies and fruitcake should only refer to cherry pie.

Christmas is also one of the most obligated-laden days of the year. There are so many “have-tos” it’s kind of nice to have a holiday where the only must is watching a parade. No one ever says, “I really must get my Independence Day cards out earlier this year,” because the only reason to ever take an awkward family picture in July is for your passport photo to Barbados.

So while I appreciate the need to stimulate the economy prior to Black Friday, let’s lay off the yuletide references on this Red, White and Blue Monday. Just because I still have my Christmas lights up doesn’t necessarily mean I’m ready to buy a mattress. A ladder and a case of egg nog, perhaps, but not a mattress.

(But now I know what to ask for from Santa this year...)

©2011 Tracey Henry

You can Divamail me those Independence Day cards if you want to....

Friday, June 17, 2011

Just another week in Music City

Some of these summer days have been spent kicking it with the country stars in my never-ending quest to hob-knob with Nashville's famous and replace the top search of my blog with something other than Kenny Chesney's headwear or lack thereof. Here are just a few recent photos from the CMT awards and from the Grand Ole Opry.

Carrie Underwood belting it out on the Opry stage.

Darius Rucker, or Hootie if you're old school.

This is how close we were to Nicole and Keith on the Red Carpet at the CMT's.

But here are the real stars...

Thursday, June 16, 2011


Summer finally arrived and we are enjoying it immensely. We have filled the days with a whole lot of nothing, and that's just fine with me. It is time for nothing.

People keep telling me how hot it is here in the summer, and just wait till I feel that humidity. I smile and nod, but inside I'm thinking, "Are you kidding me? I lived in Florida for 10 years, I think I know a thing or two about humidity. I am three inches taller south of Gainesville from the frizz of my hair. I know wet heat." But I take the note of caution and skip the passive-aggressiveness without displaying the 3rd degree burns on the backs of my thighs from getting into a car. In January.

But the cicadas have gone and the fireflies are out and I'm ready for a Tennessee summer. Bring it.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

They've got critters here too

From a recent email alert from our anal-retentive Homeowner's Association:

We don’t want to alarm people, but feel we have an obligation to remind you and especially parents of young children, that poisonous snakes are indigenous to Tennessee and have been found in the neighborhood. In order to ensure safety as best we can, we have hired a wildlife management company to assess the situation in the neighborhood. Both garden snakes and poisonous snakes have been found in the water behind the clubhouse and around the pond. Fur-n-Feathers will be out in the community on a regular basis over the next three months eradicating as many snakes as possible. As with most wildlife, snakes are more scared of you and tend to hide if they sense human activity, but please use caution when you are near the rocks and edges of the ponds.

Then, a week later:

Our wildlife management company has been out in the community trying to set traps to catch the poisonous snakes in the area. Unfortunately, seven of his traps have been stolen from around the pond area. This vandalism costs the HOA money and hinders our efforts to eradicate the poisonous snakes. If you know who may be tampering with the snake program, please contact the property management office.

Looks like that snake problem might continue for a few more weeks.

And that our HOA fees will increase.