Thursday, March 08, 2007

Bon Voyage

Ok, so a MySpace profile for Fantasia, my new Siamese/Tabby mix it is then.

I'm checking into a hotel for the remainder of this pregnancy. I am going somewhere with room service, and maids that change the bedding for you so that in the event that you just spent 35 minutes and most of your finite energy changing the sheets on the place where you spend most of your days and nights and someone under the age of 4 comes in with a stash of pixie sticks and proceeds to open them and dump their sugary contents right under your neck so that the excruciating hot flashes that now accompany the contractions transform the powder into blue raspberry Kool-Aid that now coats your entire expanding body in some sort of nostalgic torture/sticky practical joke so thoroughly that even your tears which now flow copiously out of sheer frustration taste like a blueberry sno cone that was made from seawater and a Downey dryer sheet, will be taken care of for you.

So just send me a bottle of Wild Turkey and a leather strap to bite, and I'll give birth at the Marriott. Oscar and I will see you at the Christening.

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