Monday, August 03, 2009

Day 2 of our "vacation"

I can’t describe Day 2 to you for the following reasons:

1.) You wouldn’t be able to understand a single word. I would have to write nonsensical phrases like, “This car has fleas,” “Watch the baby while she plays in the junkyard,” and who can forget the classic, “I hope the D.O.T. don’t [sic] have a roadblock set up or your son might have to spend the night in a rural Georgia jail.”

2.) It would be an illogical ordering of random words that would frustrate and confound you and leave you wondering just what in the hell happened on that desolate South Georgia interstate that caused this once semi-normal family to die a little inside.

3.) It would be littered with cursing. Really bad words you shouldn’t repeat without an air horn censor nearby.

4.) There were many, many laws broken--not only a myriad of state, Federal and local, but also physical. And while we escaped “dem smokies,” I don’t know the statute of limitations for any of those violations, or whether pleading “Guilty by reason of” is a legal defense recognized in a court of law. (Although no jury would convict us under the circumstances.)

5.) You would have to spit at least 6 or seven times. Why? I have no idea, but all day everyone expectorated liberally around me, and frankly, it was disgusting and I’d rather not go through that again.

No, it is best if we put Day 2 to bed in that same Valdosta Holiday Inn where we started after a nice steak dinner and a trip to Wal-Mart in a 1981 Buick LaSabre with no interior upholstery, a gnat infestation, no working headlights and that vaguely smells of a cocktail of motor oil, feet, and broken dreams.

Cross-posted on Whoa Momma


Kristyn said...

Holy Crap...and I was whining to Joe why we never do anything fun like RVing. If he hears about this..

VB said...

South Georgia can be a bad, bad place. When we were moving to FL from "up north", my husband, driving a U-Haul and me in our 15 passenger van with 5 kids, were chased down and pulled over by two local law enforcement officers as "suspected terrorists". No, I am not kidding. It was a Sunday night and they considered us suspicious. They ran both our driver's licenses and then sent us on our way...

JODI said...

I giggle and think your trip is bound to be the scrip for Robin Williams second installment of RV.

Here's to wishing your RV trip turns into something as fun as all the RV trips we have taken.

Tracey said...

What a long strange trip it's been...