Christmas Potatoes

If you’ve been a Suburban Diva reader over the years, you know that it wouldn’t be the holidays without a transcript of the Christmas decoration discussion between my husband and I. If you’re new to this subject, let me enlighten. 

When it comes to holiday decorating, I am inspired more by House Beautiful, he, Animal House. I’m Lord and Taylor, he’s more Lord of the Flies. I’m all about It’s a Wonderful Life, he’s a Lifetime Original movie. Potato, potahto.

So this year we gathered as we do every first Saturday in December to discuss the decorating plan. Now that the kids are older, we have allowed them to be on the planning committee, but they do yet realize they are non-voting members.

Him: What’ll it be this year, kids? Tacky or classy?

Five voices in unison: Classy!

Him: Tacky it is! Great choice.

Me: Honey, we’re still kind of new to this neighborhood, don’t you think we should ease off just a bit?

Him: Ease off??? This is the perfect time to strike! Establish who we are as a light entity.

Me: Um, I think Middle Tennessee Electric Company has that title. And the sun.

Him: Exactly. I want others to be drawn into our orbit.

Me: (Mumbling) And I kind of want our house to be hit by a meteor, so I guess that works out for both of us.

Him: What was that, dear?

Me: I said that sounds stellar, darling. Let’s get started.

A few hours later...

Son: Dad, I saw these new poles they have in the store now that are made especially to hang Christmas lights. They come with little plastic hooks that attach to the gutter so you don’t need to climb on the roof anymore.

Him: Where’d you see those? In the ladies skirt department?

Son: No, but it might work better than the golf club and kitchen tongs we’re using now.

Him: You know, back in my day, we didn’t have fancy things like poles and “grounding wire” and “ladders with all their rungs.” We hung lights with frayed cords and asbestos bulbs. My Dad would take me out in 4 feet of snow and a lightning storm and have me string lights on a rusted weather vane 8 stories high on a pitched roof. Barefoot.

Son: How was there lightning in a snow storm?

Him: Because that’s how things were back then--TOUGH. But we liked it because that’s what Christmas is all about.

Son: Mom! Dad’s turning into a villian from Scooby-Doo again.

Me: It’s Christmas. This is what it does to him. (Noticing progress.) Um, honey? Not to be critical, but do you think that manger you’re constructing is rather....tall? And shiny?

Him: Not in the least bit. If the original had been to this scale, perhaps it wouldn’t have taken the Wise Men until January 6th to find Him.

Me: He was born unto a Virgin, not under a Virgin Mobile tower.

Him: Potato, potahto.

Much later that night, after I slather sunscreen on the kids and we all go outside to admire the finished product.

Me: Please don’t look directly at the lights, guys. View it through this piece of cardboard with a pin prick through it.

Kids: That’s so cool!

I look over at my husband who is standing on the sidewalk with a tear in his eye that I don’t believe resulted from the glare of the LED lights on the team of reindeer.

Me: Oh honey, it’s beautiful. What’s wrong?

Him: Nothing. I was just thinking that the kids are growing up so fast and soon they will be doing this with their own children someday soon.

Me: Not if I don’t get those lead capes across their torsos while we’re standing here.

Him: (Ignoring me.) It seems like just yesterday I was standing on the sidewalk with my Dad admiring our illuminated masterpiece. (Glances over at smiling children.) And I’m so proud of all of them.

Me:   Aw, because of their cat-like reflexes when you drop hammers and staple guns from the roof?

Him: (Wiping the tear away.) No, because already at their young ages they’ve learned to ignore the neighbors slowing down in front of the house and threatening to call the Homeowner’s Association. 

Me: The milestone we as parents dream of.

Maybe it’s more Ground Control and Major Tom thing. Potato, potahto.

At least it’s merry and bright.

©2012 Tracey Henry

Halloween is so big here...

...Even the mailboxes dress up.

I'm exporting this custom to all points North and South. I like it.

Curiously, they we only dress up our mailboxes for autumn and Christmas. I'm not quite sure the reason for this abridged calendar--I think they would look fetching in Easter bonnets or Fourth of July ribbons--but sometimes it's best not to ask.

Two flags up for me, Roger.

Make Your Dream Room Come True with Olympic Paint and Exterior Stains!

Maybe your dream home doesn't include 6 to a bathroom and avocado green couches and macramé, but everyone sure can have a bunch of fun coloring our individual castles. For two lucky readers who share their dream indoor and outdoor spaces, Olympic paint is going to help make that happen.

Simply leave a comment on SuburbanDiva.com, here, or TheMotherhood.com and you could be eligible to win enough paint or stain to transform a room in your house or an outdoor deck.

Leave those comments by midnight on Sunday, March 1, 2009 and we'll announce the two winners on Monday.

Use the tools on Olympic.com to help you get inspired. Paint a virtual room with different color combinations and find tips on how to make all of your painting projects look beautiful.

Let's hear all about your dream rooms.

With or without the Astroturf.

The Biannual Brady Bedroom Shift

I've been trying to take my decorating cues from Carol Brady.

Not necessarily the pane-less sliding glass doors or the orange Formica countertops, but I'd really like to be able to fit six kids in two bedrooms with a half a dozen single beds made perfectly everyday.

Actually, I'd settle for two kids in one bedroom and an Astroturf back lawn.

Because this weekend marks the biannual bedroom shift--that event in which I believe that I can successfully redecorate and transfer the kids' stuff from one room to another and somehow pick up 200 square feet and clutter-free dressers in the process. I have never been exactly successful with this pilgrimage, but we attempt it regularly nonetheless, much like playing the lottery or remembering my recyclable bags when I go to the grocery store.

To fit two kids in one multiple-age appropriate newly-decorated bedroom is no small task. We will make untold trips back and forth between the two rooms. Argue about paint color. Donate several dozen bags of outgrown clothing. Compromise on who gets the right side of the room and who the left. Conduct dicey negotiations on who gets the top bunk. And no doubt reinstate the "No food in bedrooms" rule after cleaning up a cereal-aisle's worth of Froot Loops under the bed.

But I do think ultimately it is a necessary exercise. Not only to redistribute the clothes in the drawers and the furniture impressions on the carpet, but it changes up the dynamics of the house a little and gives everyone a chance to stretch their quickly-growing limbs and even faster-growing imaginations without leaving town.

So unlike my Brady Bunch inspiration, hopefully, we'll be mixing it up a little more than Greg moving into the den or sharing the attic with Marcia.

Anyone know where Cousin Oliver slept?

So I was chatting with my friend, Thom Filicia...

Sometimes when I browse through those glossy pages of design magazines, I think, sure they’re beautiful, but not exactly practical for a living, breathing family with a penchant for Italian food and Crayola products. Those white sofas and glass carpets wouldn’t last a minute in my house--or in anyone’s I know.

So when I got an opportunity to ask celebrity designer, Thom Filicia (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Dress My Nest) how to practically decorate a family home with kids, pets and husbands, he offered some very helpful advice.

His design philosophy begins with the concept that everyone’s “interior should tell your story.” Your home should reflect your personality and “what makes you unique and authentic.” So decorate with those family photographs and mementos from vacations, and anything else that makes you happy.




And what to do with all of those Legos? “Embrace the idea that kids are there,” he said. You’re going to have toys in your home--the key is organization.

~Look to Kindergarten classrooms for organization ideas. Teachers are masters of having to organize lots of different materials for many different kids.

~Use inexpensive bins and cubbies to keep the clutter under control.

~Make it fun--Make kids part of keeping their own space organized. Thom loves to use a stopwatch for a fast pick-up or to sort things by color in a matching game while picking up.

~No room should be “off-limits” to children, but do explain that certain rooms serve different purposes than others. The living room isn’t the best choice for coloring, but the playroom or kitchen table is.

~For kid’s rooms, he warns not to invest too much into trends or specific interests. Kids grow out of things faster than you think, and it may be Barney this year, but karate the next. Keep the backdrops neutral so the room can mature with the child.

And as we Mommas already know, frugality is going to be a top decorating trend of 2009. Thom assures us that’s a good thing. “Be honest with yourself about your budget and your goals.” He says we should definitely “reuse and repurpose what you already have.”


~Move things to different rooms to change the look.



~Add a coat of paint to older furniture or to make odd pieces coordinate.

~Shop at flea markets, Craigslist and tag sales, but also be on the lookout for really great bargains at traditional stores. You may be able to pick up a great deal on good quality pieces that will last for years.

~Don’t be afraid to “mix the timely with the timeless.”

And if you still need help? How about a $25,000 room makeover? After revealing his redesign of the dressing rooms on ABC’s, “The View” on Monday, Thom announced the Room-A-Day Giveaway sweepstakes to award 16 lucky winners $25,000 each for a room makeover sponsored by "The View" and Kimberly-Clark. Enter online daily through March 6, 2009 at RoomADayGiveaway.com or http://www.abc.com. Winners will be announced daily on “The View” beginning on February 2nd.

For more of Thom’s tips, pick up his new book, Thom Filcia Style, or check out his blog.


Maybe we’ll make it onto those glossy magazine pages yet.

(Photos Courtesy of Thom Filicia)