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Perhaps since we dined on a delicious steak on Thanksgiving rather than the Tryptophan-laced turkey, I got a boost of domestic energy today.

We returned home from Atlanta late last night, and while the boys were off at a hockey tournament at a very unlady-like time of morning, I unpacked, did all of the laundry, cleaned out closets and dressers to fill a dozen bags of clothes to Goodwill, grocery shopped, did miscellaneous computer tasks, went through all of the catalogs and made a very nice white bean turkey chili with fresh cilantro.

I am recording this not to brag or to bore you, but to prove to myself later that I did something of substance this week.

Turkey Day Tips

I've written an entire list of step-by-step instructions on Thanksgiving preparations here, but here are a few more:

1.) Save your money on the white truffle butter. Matty claims it was the best turkey he's ever eaten, but I still think it was funky and not in a good, wholesome Thanksgiving sort of way. More like I want to eat Funyons and Mountain Dew after noshing on a turkey leg slathered in peyote buttons.

2.) Deep-fry your cranberry sauce. But eat it hot, right away and sprinkle powdered sugar on it like you were at the county fair instead of a formal dinner. Delish.

3.) Pick the exact opposite of my football picks.

4.) Not really a tip, more of a general question: If your kid gets sick on Thanksgiving, can it be considered swine, or are we back to the bird flu? Or maybe Stevie just is allergic to peyote.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

At $1.83 per ounce, it should smell better

The other bonus about Fake Thanksgiving today?

When you screw up the turkey by getting all Ina Garten on it and spreading white truffle butter all over it which has your kitchen smelling like effing Sherwood Forest in the rain, your guests get to have the real thing on Thursday and you didn't ruin real Thanksgiving.

Not what I thought I'd be quoted in the New York Times for, but I'll take it

Before I started talking about Fake Thanksgiving, I spoke about Fake Hamsters.

And today, I spoke about fake hamsters to the very real New York Times.

Fake Thanksgiving

Because our plans on actual Thanksgiving Day don't include my kitchen, we're having Fake Thanksgiving here on Sunday.

Fake Thanksgiving is very similar to the real one except I am armed with 3 extra shopping days and a week's worth of Food Network specials. Yesterday I got the prime jumbo turkey because they weren't all picked over, and we can watch other football games besides the Lions and Cowboys.

Keeping with non-Thanksgiving theme, we got an early Christmas/late hurricane present. Because we didn't use our hurricane days this fall (yay el nino!) we get an extra day off from school and don't have to go back until Decemberfreakingfirst, ya'll. You can best believe I'm pretty thankful for that.

And speaking of stepping away from the Food Network, Sean does not think that Paula Deen's Deep-Fried Cranberry Sauce Fritters sound like a little piece of breaded heaven. I think he's crazy and needs to be committed.

But then again he may have had a different opinion if he actually saw her make them with Kermit the Frog.

Mayberry, Cuba and CSI

So not all went as planned this weekend. We kicked it off with a little crime here, and while nothing (much) of value was taken, it really rattled me and I'm a little paranoid and skittish as a result.

The police took all of my information, including fingerprinting my car, which I have to tell you, makes me feel somewhat like a suburban bad ass. The neighbors all passed by as CSI: Mayberry was in the driveway collecting evidence, and I bet they're all wondering just what type of drama was unfolding. I'm purposely keeping the black fingerprint dust as a deterrent to future douchebaggery.

But that did not stop us from attending our fall benefit last night,and here is the primer for the event in case you missed it.

This is what pre-revolutionary, post-Fidel, and current-acting Raul, Cuba looks like from Mayberry:



Note the black dress, again. They must have stolen Technicolor from my closet, too.

Friday the 13th sucks

I hate it when a day lives up to its cliche.

Things I did and did not do this week

Things I did this week:

1.) I wrote my fool fingers off on both assigned work and le book.

2.) I found a dress to wear to the benefit on Saturday.

3.) I fit into a smaller size than I orignally thought for Saturday.

4.) Finally took care of that Bride of Franenstein thing I had going on in my hair.

5.) Found a missing thumb drive.


Things I did not do this week:

1.) Get as far as I thought on the rewrites because it's like a house of cards when you change something, you then have to re-write 20,000 more words to make the two in the middle make sense.

2.) Drink soda.

3.) Grieve when the temperature dipped below 90 for the first time since last November.

4.) Get the peanut butter out of the earpiece of my phone.

5.) Hear anything anyone said when they called me.


Not a bad way to spend a week.

This worked so well for reptiles...

You crazies, you got me all distracted with iguanas and property law and I totally missed that I had a whole host of other assignments due (ones that actually pay) and so I have to extend my research/interview requests to include:

1.) Suggestions for giving books as gifts this holiday season. Kids, adults, fiction or non--anything that really sticks out for you this year?

2.) Somethng hilarious Christmas column.

You can just write, proofread and submit that last one to my stocking.

Thanks.

(But leave a comment on the first one...)

It's called "research"

Because I'm too lazy to use the Google, here's the novel research question of the day: Do iguanas have long tongues that eat flies?

These are the literary questions that consume me lately. I am proud to say that despite having a double ear infection, peanut butter in the ear-piece of my new iPhone (not related. I think.), and a whole bunch of other distractions, I have, in fact, a beginning, middle and end to the novel.

*waits for applause to subside*

Now begins the task of going back through and filling all of the holes I made and generally tightening prose and bolstering word counts. And research.

In other words, all of the fun stuff.

Interview Requests

No, I'm serious.

I need two reasonably-educated people (or one super smart one) to help me out in a couple of scenes in my book. I don't need binding legal opinion, but I just need to know what the fictional legal ramifications would be for two of my characters. So if any lawyer-type has a few minutes to kill, I'd be appreciative.

The other quasi-expert I need is someone familiar with Roberts Rules and parlimentary procedure in general. If this fits your description, then you could use some fun and read two scenes in my novel.

Help a sister out, please. Divamail@Suburbandiva.com and I'll mention you in the dedication.

Happy Birthday, Stevie

My little boy turned 14 today, and in addition to making us all old, it also means I've had the best fourteen years of my life, and we are so very blessed. So very blessed.

No really, I'm serious this time. Really.

Perhaps you are already familiar with NaNoWriMo, which translates to National Novel Writing Month to writers around the literary world. November is traditionally the month someone determined was a good one in which to challenge people to write a novel in 30 days.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Here in Safety Harbor, Novemeber is hereby designated as GYFNFA--which simply means, "Get your freaking novel finished already."

GYFNFA has already passed by several times here this year--you'll recall June, August and most recently October as celebratory months. But now, I'm serious. December 1 will mark 2 years of this particular project, and if I don't finish it now, it will never, ever, ever happen.

I really don't have that much more to go, and now that Trunk n' Treat, Halloween, a few birthdays, baseball season and all of my excuses are over, I should be quite prolific for the next 30 days.

Look for my furious typing fingers and furrowed brow this month.

Saying good-bye to October:



Amy doesn't like the spooky music coming from across the street.



Before the sugar coma.




It's already 400 degrees, the fire just ensures that all of the Fun Size Snickers melt.

Just made the Jell-o for the oozing brains exhibit, should have saved some for shots

In a few hours, I will be knee deep in All Hallows Eve Eve. Which for this gal, means our annual Trunk n' Treat event at school.

If you look back over the years, you'll see that I love this event, I really do. You will also see that I have skated any responsibility for this party which is probably why I like it so much.

That changes this year. They put me in charge of the whole thing because they are crazy. Or they don't read my blog to know that I am crazy. And unorganized and not fit for planning anything except how I can skirt more planning. It's pretty much a survival skill.

So tomorrow will be interesting. It will either be fine (because really, there isn't a whole lot of stuff you can do beforehand for this) or I will have screwed it up so horribly that they will lock me into a trunk and push me over a cliff.

But if I don't die in a flaming "accident" (Please forward this to law enforcement officials upon my untimely demise) I can always rely on my pumpkin-carving skills when we have to go on the lamb.

As long as that lamb is in Sleepy Hollow or something.

(Dang, don't forward that clue to my soon-to-be assassins.)

Princess Tiana: I met her!

Following a colorful procession in a horse-drawn carriage befitting royalty, the newest Disney princess made her debut at the Magic Kingdom on Monday.



Princess Tiana from the upcoming Disney film, The Princess and the Frog, made her way from the Louisiana Bayou to Cinderella’s castle as Mickey and the gang welcomed her into the fold.



The first Disney princess since Mulan in 1998, Princess Tiana is breaking new ground in the old classic fairy tale. The first African American princess, she is also the first to be set in modern times. The Princess and the Frog, which opens nationwide on December 11, 2009, also returns to the classic hand-drawn animation that audiences have adored for generations. The story is a comical “modern twist on a classic tale” set in the mystical bayous of Louisiana and features music by Oscar-winning composer Randy Newman.

Visitors to the Magic Kingdom can get a glimpse--and ear-- of the high-energy music in the attraction “Tiana’s Showboat Jubilee” which will run three shows daily until January 3, 2010. The nine minute show plays on the Liberty Belle Riverboat and features the movie characters as well as randomly-chosen park guests in the cleverly choreographed production that resembles a Mardi Gras parade on water. Fast-paced without the need for a Fast Pass, you can watch from the docks of Frontierland.

In addition to seeing a lot of Tiana on store shelves this holiday season, little ones can take a look in their magic mirrors after a trip to Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique for a glittery view. Prices for the girl glam packages start at $49.95 and Tiana’s fresh look is among the royal styles available.

And if you can’t make it to her house at the Magic Kingdom, chances are you’ll be seeing a lot of the new princess knocking at your door this Halloween or on your kids’ wish lists this year--already her soft green and cream petal dress and plush doll are big sellers.

But it is in theaters where kids are sure to fall in love with the beautiful Tiana. The impressive team that has contributed to this movie since the project began in 2006 assures success.

You can see scenes of the film here and if you enter a theme park between now and November 22, 2009, you can get details on how to receive a voucher for a free child’s movie ticket.

(Cross-posted at Whoa Momma! )

One day

Today--October 27th--the worst day of the year, I’m going to play a game.

I’m going to pretend I get my Mom back for one day.

Actually, I play this all of the time, and I have a nightmare about it at least once a week, but today I really thought about it.

First off, I’d cook you something. Something delicious and decadent and totally wonderful. When you got sick, you lost your appetite. You lost your ability to enjoy a meal with your family and I always hated that was another thing that got taken from you. I would make you Beef Wellington because you loved that. And one of the first real meals I ever cooked for you was that and a homemade mushroom bisque. You said you liked it--maybe you were being a kind, but I thought it was good.

Then we’d play a game. Double-solitaire. Which is a really stupid game, but when we played it our way it was fun and I loved that scurrying play to the finish. We would not play Scrabble because you would beat me--you were the true wordsmith of the family.

And then, like I was five again, I’d say, “Mom! Look what I made!” And I would introduce you to your grandchildren. And I know a day isn’t enough time, but you would be able to see how smart and kind they all are. You’d notice that Stevie LOOKS JUST YOU which you would deny out loud but secretly covet because you could even see it. You would see Matty and know that as old of a soul that Stevie is, Matty is a young one--forever a little boy who loves his dog and his little sister and isn’t at all embarrassed by that.

And Amy. Oh, how you would love Amy. And you would know. You would just know.

And Jessie needs a grandmother to spoil her and keep me from losing my mind with her. She would entrance you with her smile and personality, and you wouldn’t be able to get mad at her when she poured paint on your carpet.

And no matter what time of year it was--I don’t care if it was June--I would set up a Christmas tree and make Sean string lights through the palm trees. I would fly Wendy and your other two grandchildren in, Dad, your Dad, Uncle Norm, Gram and Gramp--anyone who is left and we would have a Christmas dinner and eat again around a huge table laughing and taking a million pictures. I’d make you pecan pie. (I put chocolate in mine and it’s really good.)

I’d wear your shoes. I’d play Neil Diamond. Grandpa would recite poetry from his amazing memory.

I would ask you to wear extra perfume so that it lingered on everything you touched and when you were gone again, I’d bury my face into the blanket and recall you.
I’d hold you.

I would be held.

And to those who would say that a day wouldn’t be enough, I’d risk it.

Because this day is long.

This day is way too long.

Today

I will tell you all about happy things like Princesses and magic tomorrow, but today, like every year on this day for the last ten, I just want to think about my Mom.

And miss her without apology.

Meeting princesses this week

I got a tremendous amount of work done today out of necessity for the sheer amount of work I have to do for the week ahead. Yes, everyone has clean socks and it's not even Monday yet.

On Friday, we have our annual Trunk n' Treat event at school, the day in which the entire year orbits around. At least it does for me since I am chairing this, and I basically suck at doing anything more than 10 minutes out.

But before I fall flat on my painted face on Friday, tomorrow I get to wake up two hours earlier than a normal Monday so that I can go cover Princess Tiana's debut at Disney World, complete with parade, press box seating for her new show and interview opportunities with Disney staff.

And that is a pretty cool way to start a long, full week.

Learning more about this everyday

A few weeks ago I did a lot of research on the Swine Flu for the article in The St. Pete Times.

Since that article was published, things are still changing with this bizarre disease, and I’m still learning more about it as we go. In our own school, many more cases were diagnosed and confirmed, but luckily, none were severe and as far as I know, all of those students have returned to school.

But that doesn’t mean we’re out of the woods.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to join a Walgreen’s teleconference with Dr. Gwenn O’Keefe of Pediatricsnow.com and Dr.Gwennisin.com, and I learned a little bit more about the H1N1 and why we need to be aware of it.

~First off, it’s seems to target our kids most of all. For some still unknown reason, this flu hits ages 0-24 the hardest, leaving the 65+ group almost untouched. Pregnant women are given the top priority on the vaccine list.

~90% of the flu circulating in the U.S. right now is H1N1. So chances are, if you feel like you have the flu, it’s probably H1N1.

~This strain isn’t peaking like the seasonal flu does every year. Instead of ebbing and falling like typical flu seasons, this one shows no sign of slowing down. Dr. Gwenn says we really need to pay attention to the statistics to realize how differently this strain behaves.

~She recommends both the regular flu shot as well as the H1N1 when it becomes available in your area. To the critics that say the vaccine for the Swine Flu isn’t “tested,” she says that it is the exact same science and testing as the seasonal flu shot that has been in existence for over 60 years with a rather impressive track record.

We also spoke extensively about the need to be prepared in case you get sick--stocking up on items and food well before you actually need them.

But a couple of things remained constant--wash your hands frequently and make sure your kids are as well. This is still our number one preventive measure.

And definitely don’t waste your money--and false confidence--on the facemasks.

Six

Happy Birthday, A-Dog!




Someday you'll appreciate what we went through for your present.